2/ I’ve been seeing ways I deceive myself and deceive others, causing pain where there didn’t need to be pain. Ways that I’ve been serving an identity project instead of serving truth, even while claiming to be serving truth. Patterns that caused me to hurt people I love.

1/ I’m going into a 45ish day silent solitary meditation retreat on Friday 🫠 These past months I’ve been reckoning with aspects of my being that I buried deep in my psyche. Even after thousands of hours of meditation practice, dozens of retreats, I was still blind to them 🧵

4/ It has gotten me in touch with an exquisite tangle of protective mechanisms that I would probably have died not seeing, were it not for how I trapped myself.

3/ Before these last few months, I couldn’t see it. It’s shocking and amazing what minds are capable of not seeing! Now I see it everywhere. This has been profoundly humbling and painful.

5/ I’ve managed to trap myself in two ways; making a three year unconditional commitment to the @MonasticAcademy, and making a two year commitment to my partner @Sophia_Karuna.

6/ It was through the inescapability of my conditions, my love and commitment for my partner, and my trust and participation in MAPLE, that I could finally see my what my whole identity was constructed to hide.